"The most important element of making a relationship work is teamwork," says Dr. Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About The Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. "If you play tug of war with each other, you won't get anywhere. But as partners, you can accomplish anything." Everyone loves a good team-just look at how riled up we all are over the World Cup. Bring a little bit of that spirit to your relationship. It could be as simple as joining your local bowling league and making T-shirts that say "Team Smith." "Playing up that in-it-together mentality enhances the bonds of your relationship," adds Tessina. So when it comes time to huddle over a serious issue like finances, you'll be pumped to get on the same page. "情感顺利的最重要一条就是团队合作,"蒂娜·泰斯纳(Tina Tessina)医生说道,她是一位博士,也是《钱、性和孩子:不要再为这三件可能毁坏婚姻的事而争吵不休了》(Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About The Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage)一书的作者。"如果你们彼此开战,谁都得不了便宜。但作为伙伴,你们能完成一切。"每个人都喜欢有一个好的团队--只要看看我们在世界杯上有多么疯狂就行了。感情关系中也可融入一点这样的精神。这就与加入地方保龄队和在短袖上写"史密斯队"一样简单。"展示那种团结一致的心态能促进情感的升华,"泰斯纳说道。所以当你们需要解决类似财务等重要问题时,最好还是统一战线吧。 TREAT YOUR PARTNER LIKE A CHILD
Yes, you read that right. Think about it: You know it's not enough to tell a child, "I love you. You're the greatest." You need to be specific and focus on the actual task they've accomplished, like, "You did a great job setting the table" or "You were so brave to tell your friend she hurt your feelings," says Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of Marriage Rules. That same logic applies to your husband-crystal-clear compliments go a lot further than vague verbal pats on the back. "Speaking to specifics warms things up and lets your partner know why you really admire him," helping to reinforce a real connection, adds Lerner. 是的,你没看错。想想看:你知道只是告诉小孩子"我爱你,你最棒了"是不够的。你需要具体一点,专门表扬他们实际完成的任务,比如,"桌子布置的真好"又或者"你真勇敢,告诉了你朋友她伤害了你的感情,"哈里特·勒纳博士说道,她是《婚姻法则》(Marriage Rules)一书的作者。这种逻辑对你的丈夫也同样使用--清晰明了的称赞比私底下模糊不清的赞美更加有效。"说一些具体的事情可以营造气氛,也会让另一半了解你为什么会倾慕于他,"这能加强你们之间的火花碰撞,勒纳补充道。 双语:幸福婚姻的关键元素 TURN CHORES INTO FAVORS
In this Lean In world, you'd think we'd have figured out how to split household tasks 50-50. But there's still a good chance that's not the case in your home. "Sometimes women let things manifest and we become passive-aggressive," says Syrtash. "Men prefer a more direct approach, so just say, 'Okay, let's tackle this. Here's what needs to be done.'" Most men want to be part of the solution, so if your husband needs a little extra push, put a reward on the line. 在这样一个全球都做志愿者的时代,你可能会想着去平分家务活儿。但很有可能你的家里并不是这个情况。"有时候女性会放大一些事情,我们就会被激怒," Syrtash说道。"男人更喜欢直接一点的方法,所以直接说'好的,我们一起解决这个问题吧。现在需要做这些事。'"很多男人都想参与到解决问题的过程中,所以如果你的丈夫需要别人推一把,那你就给他提出一点奖励好了。